Sleep Quality Critic Pillows

Bob's new mattress was firm but fair.

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

"What's with your hair?"

"You were snoring."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

'It's the worst possible diagnosis a bear can receive -- sleep apnea.'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

'Gravity wins - again.'

"Another Monday and Albert couldn't get his ass out of bed."

"Have you got any after ten tours for people who never get up before eight-thirty?"