Sleep Hygiene Guru Pillows

"It's a taser. It's for your snoring."

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"You were snoring."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"What's with your hair?"

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

"Alexa give me one reason to get out of bed today."

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

'Gravity wins - again.'