Sleep Hygiene Guru Pillows

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

"You were snoring."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"He's got SUCH greasy hair, and dandruff like you wouldn't believe!"

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

"What's with your hair?"

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

"Well, NOW I can't sleep worrying about how much we spent on this high-tech mattress!"

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

'Gravity wins - again.'

"Have you got any after ten tours for people who never get up before eight-thirty?"