Sleep Strategist Pillows

Women sleep less well than men.

"I can't decide whether to nap right now or in ten minutes."

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours sleep and be all right. If I fall asleep now, I'll get four hours sleep and drink lots of coffee. If I wake up now, I can call in sick before anyone gets to the office..."

"The secret to my productivity is sleeping when everyone is awake."

'I thought I'd be more tired this evening. I didn't fall asleep 'til 2:30 this afternoon!'

"I think I need an extra pillow."

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

Interpretive napping

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

"What's with your hair?"

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

Oh, come on this insomnia is driving me nuts! Just shoot me with a tranquilizer dart, wouldja!

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

Let's not do anything we'll regret in the morning. I like to sleep past noon.

"You were snoring."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'