Sleep Strategist Pillows

Women sleep less well than men.

"I can't decide whether to nap right now or in ten minutes."

"If I fall asleep now, I'll get six hours sleep and be all right. If I fall asleep now, I'll get four hours sleep and drink lots of coffee. If I wake up now, I can call in sick before anyone gets to the office..."

"The secret to my productivity is sleeping when everyone is awake."

'I thought I'd be more tired this evening. I didn't fall asleep 'til 2:30 this afternoon!'

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"I think I need an extra pillow."

Wordplay: Hibernation.

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Broken Alarm Clock.

"I can't decide whether to get upset and wake him up... or wait and see if it works!"

Interpretive napping

'Don't take this the wrong way, Honey, but not only have I decided to hibernate this year, but I want to hibernate in the spare room...'

'I hate counting sheep. I get enough math at school.'

"Clearly the patient's experiencing difficulty attaining the deep, final level of restful sleep."

"What's with your hair?"

"You were snoring."

"I only drink decaf, otherwise I'm awake up to four hours a day."

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'It's a soothing sounds machine. Spring Rain, Summer Breeze, and Fall School Bus.'

The next step in executive efficiency - Microsoft PowerNap.

'If you can't sleep...imagine you're at work.'

"No doctor, my husband is not sleep-walking again. He is sleep-jumping!"

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

Fish sleeps while counting worms that jump over a fence.

"I don't care if we did hibernate all Winter, I'm still tired."

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'