Slacking Savant Pillows

"I've decided to work from the office today. Screwing off at home isn't as satisfying."

"Tariffs love me...tariffs love me not..."

Plant Lady

The dumpster code - find something, leave something.

Maybe clean out your wallet

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

What are you in the mood to get confused watching tonight?

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

East End Maps.

"He tried living in the fast lane, but he didn't like it, so now he just sleeps all day."

"Remember, son, you can be anything you want to be...except for maybe an aroma therapist."

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

"You'll have to imagine the melody for this next song too."

It's not a love bite, I just play the violin.

Footbalistas - A group of people passionately dedicated to the all-day broadcast of professional sports."

'Since Darwin said it's survival of the fittest, I thought I'd better take up an aerobic sport.'

"I hope you don't mind, I've just scribbled a few different ideas!"

Canadian Jesus

"It's a slow hit man!"

'Welcome to 'Wall Street Speaks'... and now our next guest is an expert on street talk.'

Jesus Saves

Electric motorcycles catch fire in Cuba

"This straw sucks! 'Er not."

Yoga. The best part about being a yoga instructor? The flexible hours!

"So, Humberto, you moved to the United States just last month?"

"Some cactuses get all the arms."

José Mário dos Santos Mourinho Félix

Relay racers passing money instead of baton.

Grumpy Moody Boy.

"I don't want them to sniff out our hostile takeover plans. Maybe we should stop wearing our power ties on Casual Friday."

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."

Subtitle: Woof.

They say you should always leave the table a little hungry, but I can't wait around that long.