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Dating is so expensive...

Quite Unanswerable.

Life Store Guide: Make-up and jewellery

PROBLEM AREAS

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

"Eternally youthful complexion? Here's the deal. Never go out in the sun. Never eat dessert. And, for God's sake, don't smile."

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

'This facial cream is called 'High Definition'...it brings out beauty in sharp, wonderful detail.'

"Mirror, mirror on the wall ... what the heck is up with my hair?"

Desert Dermatologist

Sunburn lotion, Windburn lotion.

"Yikes! So many foundations, so little time."

'We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?'

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'There was no more putting it off; breast reduction time.'

"How come your skin is sooooo smooth?"

"Apricot pit?! Are you kidding, Mister? This stuff knocks raw avocado and almond nut outta the water!!!"

"Believe me, you never looked better since you fell into that vast of skin cream."

Tips on how to reduce those unsightly crow's feet.

'Mildred....is that you?'

"Ed can't figure out if we're having our nails waxed and our faces painted, or our nails painted and faces waxed."

Red in tooth and claw.

'Believe me, sweetie, if I thought the 'Wrinkle Out' setting on the clothes dryer would work...'

"The perfume is only £20, the antidote is £250!"

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

Obstetrics, Gynecology and Waxing.

Anyone seen my curling tongs?

'These facial wraps work great on dead skin.'

Twig! Please come into my bathroom! Have you been using my makeup? You're paranoid! Everything is in its place. Why would you accuse me? Just a hunch.

'It's more like a very good used you.'

Tanning salons to avoid. . .

Mooseturizer: Tired of those annoying Dry and Chafed antlers?

'I am reluctant to offer plastic surgery at this time, Miss Caterpillar: Why don't you let Nature take its course?'

The world's most successful beauty blogger...