Skiing Spectator Gifts

'Keep it down, will you?! I'm trying to watch the skiing weatherview!'

"I AM at my usual position."

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

G7 Summit Concern

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

"Since you're skiing down to the store, we could use a whole lot more steaks."

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

They've been inseperable since the avalanche.

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Clown Skis.

'It is too snowing!'

"You have to pick the places you don't walk away from."—Joan Didion, Penny, Joan Didion.

"Aye, but this is the Cairngorms laddie. That'll be �1.15p."

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

'If we're going to be the sponsor of a winter Olympic even, it should be the downhill.'

Travel looks strong!

Cockroaches struggle to use the ski lift.

'Isn't that the ghastly couple we met last summer in Rock?'

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"I was only kidding when I said you have ring around the collar."

'I'm detoxing - do you have any mineral water?'

Skiing at Sea

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

Waiting for the snow to arrive in Aviemore.

'Any other husband would hire two pairs of skis.'

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'

Little girl skiing.

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

Skier.

Piste-side Hotel

"This is a ritzy ski report - it's all fake snow."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."