Skeptical Storyteller Gifts

"The cow jumped over the moon? The dish ran away with the spoon? Dad... it just doesn't pass the smell test."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

How I met your mother

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

"Well, I'm the company sports champion! During the lunch break I ate more hamburgers than any other colleague!"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

'Where's the petty cash?'... 'It's in the box marked Pension Fund.'

'My phone number, Social Security number and Zip Code, just to buy gum? They didn't ask me that many questions when I joined the army.'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

"I've finally finished my lockdown novel."

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

"This little piggy went to market, this little piggy drove the getaway car..."

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'

Pets in Attorney's office - 'The iguana gets everything.'

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

Hog Futures

'Miss Wilson, get on the web and find me everything on bottles!'

I get my ideas on sale...

Chicken Funeral Planning.

"Come with us to see the wizard. He can find you a brain!"

Centaur falls in love.

"If we can put a man on the moon, why can't we admit that the moon landing was a big conspiracy?"

'I've written a poem describing my feelings on discovering the body, Inspector...'