Skeptical Humorist Pillows

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

"If I knew next week's winning lottery numbers do you think I'd be sitting here telling you."

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Your videotape's intriguing - But it still doesn't prove that they really exist.'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"My latest sighting turned out to be just another weather balloon."

Trappist Monk Discord

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'What does it say, Dad?'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

HELLth Food Sprouts

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

'To hear our privacy policy, please tell us you credit card and social security numbers...'

'In today's market hyperbole was up sharply. Similes and metaphors held relatively steady with euphemisms hitting another record low.'

German School

"...in other news: Google has been admitted to the United Stations..."

"Actually, you do have a racist bone in your body."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.