Skeptic Warrior Gifts

'Gentlemen, gentlemen, yes the neutrino beats the speed of light; but let's wait for the dope test.'

Because you purchased Pepa's Tooti-Frooti Herbal Paste to treat a serious life-threatening medical condition, we are now recommending...a $100 voucher for Freddy's Funeral Parlor.

Fear/Knowledge

'How can we believe anything when we can disprove everything?'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Another Bigfoot sighting...

"I don't think those are authentic, either, bud."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

A political promise is intended to be a golden egg...Which is kept in a pork barrel and after an election...Hatches into a dead duck before...it turns invisible so it can quietly vanish.

"Do you think the flat earth society has members round the globe?"

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Channelling on the Cheap

'Do you believe in reincarnation?' - 'I don't now, but I did when I was Napoleon.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

The new Physics

'If I've learned anything, it's believe half of what's in the newspapers, and even less of what's in your e-mail.'

"About the vaccine, I read online that it was so Bill Gates could inject us with CHIPS!"

"And he had it peer-reviewed by his fellow pseudoscientists."

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"We fell for this last time remember..."

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

'Remember, son, don't believe any thing you hear and only half of what you see.'

"Let's try to think of something that untold millions of people will buy."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

"Call me crazy, but this guy is really starting to worry me..."

"Why do I hate religion? Imagine if half the money ever donated to religion had instead been used for scientific research. That's the world religion stole from me! Instead of worrying about the coronavirus, I could be slaying orcs on a starship's holodeck!"

''Tree of Knowledge,' eh? - Has it been fact-checked?'

Scientific Research: 'Uh...why'd it take'em 20 yeahs t' figyah that out?'