Skeletal Jokester Gifts

Fourth age club annual outing

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Oh, well... Accidents will happen.'

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

"Here we still are, eh? So much for the gloom-and-doom types who warned us against eating all the vegetation."

'Oi! We're your nipples you idiot!'

"Some Rain Forest this is..."

'After you' said Miss Manners. 'Oh you first' insisted Mrs Etiquette.

'I'm very active. I'm always jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth, skipping lunch, and jogging my memory. With all that jumping, stretching, skipping and jogging, I still can't lose weight.'

'Are you mentally undressing me again professor?'

101 uses of a dead cat: chaps.

"Good evening. Sorry for the slight delay."

'It was just a matter of time, old cowpuncher, 'til one of them punched back.'

"It's going to rain — I can feel it in my bones."

'No, I don't think x-rays are needed.'

'I'm not overweight you know? I'm just big boned.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

"For God's sake Dennis, that was the budgie!"

"Oh shoot. That reminds me, I need to buy a valentine."

'My waist has spread, my arteries are clogged, cholesterol is elevated, but my legs still go up and down.'

'I don't know how, but he has the bird flu.'

Person texts 'How are you?' to a skeleton,

Don't tell me, you want another sick note!

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

'I can't believe this! Is there anyone here who isn't too chicken to jump?'

'We can't pull the plug until the paperwork is finished.'

"...I'd say your health was way below the poverty line!"

'You know the rules Fanshawe ----both bloody feet on the floor'

"Telemarketers call 50 times a day, which is good, because getting up each time to answer the phone keeps me in shape."

"Seriously honey? You can't just pick a place to eat? Just pick a place already/ Damn!"

"Rad's shot. Looks like a drive-by."

'Are we there yet?'