Size Detectives Gifts

How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

We have a problem with your research. We're Encyclopedia Britannica and you're Wikipedia.

"It seemed like a long timeout."

Three-dimensional, eh --- What makes you so spatial?

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of "CSI: Miami" to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45pm? The Youtube generation grows up fast.

Micro and Macro Department,

Don't forget to read the small print.

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

Devil in the detail

Shrink

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

"We think we've found the murder weapon Sir"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"At least you have taste when it comes to your computer's wallpaper."

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

"TV violence made him do it. Says he'll name shows if we drop the charges."

'Daddy, why is that man wearing a blank T-shirt?'

"We're going to need the best forensic accountants money can buy."

'My school has a very strict detention policy.'

Excessive Paperwork

'I am unable to find the words to respond to that.'

'Talk about paranoid. He reads the fine print on his money.'

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

"Hmmm...this'll be a tough one..."

When pedants take a break.

VARIOUS ITEMS OF LABELLED KITCHENWARE.

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'