Situational Comedy Gifts

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

Bob's losing streak continued.

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"Previously on..."

"Ed Lowry: Worst hunter ever"

'You were nagging your husband all over the road. I'll need to see your marriage license.'

Junk Stamps For Junk Mail.

'But, there must be some mistake. I don't want to buy the school.'

I don't care if you have a ticket - hop it.

"Oh George, I wish you'd get things in perspective. . .!"

"Online I said I was 'blond and curvy', I didn't say I was a woman!"

"That's not what you told my screener you wanted to talk about."

"I do hope you've got enough for a sample, Mr Furse."

Come hell, or highwater, Eric remains confident that his call will come.

"You mind if I smoke?"

"Stick what up?"

"Before I give you this anonymous Valentine's card could you just sign this waiver confirming that you won't fall uncontrollably in love with me, or take out a sexual harassment suit."

"I can’t chase you today … he’s in one of his moods."

"If anyone's got a plan B, now would be a good time."

'I heard your licence was revoked.'

"Why am I always the bad guy?"

'Are you sure you want the party sub? I mean are you sure? Are you buying it for someone else or something???'

Prisoner is treated to leg of lamb for dinner.

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

A man's head disappears into his torso, replaced by a sign that reads: Next Showing 1:00

"I haven't got time for a whole lot of paperwork. The wedding's tomorrow."

Escaping the Firing Squad.

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

'Poor Danny - every sheep shearing season he got in trouble!'

Ledge Rescue Service

"It's these new glasses dear! I thought it was you!"

'Yes... Now I see - no pocket. So perhaps the glove is defective.'

'Please don't be someone I know,,,'

Fanning a man who's passed out with money.