Sitting At Home Pillows

"It appears Tom's cable is out again!"

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'I wasted half my life perched on top of a mountain in the Himalayas. Only to discover that the true meaning of life was a night in watching the box, with a few cans of lager.'

"He's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes...like a DOLL'S EYES!!"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

'You're doing that just to bug me, aren't you?'

"Let's finish off our night of being productive by starting another season."

'Honey, I'm home - for good.'

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

'Son, the world is ripe for the taking ... you better stay home with me.'

"Just the slippers is fine!"

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

Teddy queuing for the Bathroom

"I thought we could just stay home tonight and pupate."

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

"I'm not the only one who hates you changing the channel every second. Now when you want to watch TV, the remote escapes."

'Mr. Fitzburger, didn't we agree on a no-pets-in-the-apartment policy?!!'

Don't touch that dial! — We're experts, and we know what you should be watching!

"This is what I call a home entertainment centre."

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

'Anything good on the telly tonight? Yes dear the vase!'

The following story is based on actual events.

"Who's my perfect little excuse to leave social functions? You are, yes you are."

The Big Tree

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

"Hibernate sounds better than binge watch."

"You'll have to fetch your own slippers. The dog resigned."

"Come on... you love knocking things off the counter!"

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.