House Sitting Enthusiast Pillows

Thanks for house sitting!

"I think I need an extra pillow."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

'I'm retiring soon and looking for something more comfortable...like a loafer.'

"I can tell it's new because it's alive."

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"Tell me why you think people are out to get you."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

"Today on Escape to the Country Emily & Oliver are looking for that special little property in the Cotswolds. So what exactly's going to tick all their boxes?"

Real Estate Personals

"No dear- I said I was going to buy you a big PROPER TEA!"

'They're playing house.'

"And that's when they left for vacation!"

'It's a new concept, the inside out house.'

Although in hindsight, maybe she said feed the cat and water the plants.

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

UP Again: Housing Prices.

New Homes

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fives on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

Turtle Eviction

'Now you behave yourself and don't throw and infestation while we're gone.'

"If you hibernated you wouldn't have to worry about losing an hour's sleep to daylight savings."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

Man in house with no roof on phone to estate agent: "Look, this house is unfinished. Please stop saying, 'It gets a lot of light'."

"It's perfect."

Whatever you're thinking of buying, we promise to make you feel slightly inferior.

The Movers Strip - Selling houses over the internet

"Is it me or is this mini home trend getting out of control?"

'We're being foreclosed on. We're going to have to relocate to a loafer.'

'She'll come round to the idea of a Granny Flat eventually.'

'Let's not get too carried away.'

"He's co-dependant, I usually board him, but the conference is only three days. Just make sure to let him out from nine to five to do his business. Oh – and treats are in the liquor cabinet."

"I'm afraid your budget won't stretch to four bedrooms and a garden, would you consider one bedroom with a shared bathroom and access to a communal alley?"