Sit-through Expert T-Shirts

Anyone else need a toilet break?

"Stick with me baby, and you'll eat slop every day."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'A representative will be with you in twelve minutes... so, if you have to go to the bathroom, please go now...'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Extra Long-jump

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'Something needs to be done about the surgery room lights.'

"Tip my boy."

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

'Oh, yes, you will get off!'

Great script, great cinematography, great everything. But the whole 3D thing is lost on me.

"After practicing dermatology every day, maybe you should try branching out from those warts-and-all biographies."

Nutty Assistants

"What qualifies you to be a ballistics expert?"

Ducks crossing the Red Sea.

"I cross therefore I am."

"I failed driver's ed....Apparently there's like this rule about rear-ending a police car!"

"Today we practiced counting to five, and the teacher practiced counting to ten."

'Six months ought to be enough sleep for anyone.'

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."

"Welcome to the Department of Delayed Gratification. Take a number."

Now do you see the point of regular electrical checks?

"You father's a nap just waiting to happen."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Good. . . evening. . . welcome . . . to . . . the. . . slow. . . cooker. . ."

"Will you PLEEEEASE stop grinding your teeth!"

Thank you for not smacking

"As a forensic psychologist, it's my opinion that the defendant is not a risk to the public. Any more passive-aggressive questions?"

"I don't know - the EPA was here when I left last night."

"I'm still waiting for my coffee. Has Juan Valdez left South America yet?"

Public Intellectual/Private Intellectual

'What gets me is how the actors make themselves so small!'