Singles Awareness Day Gifts

The quest for spinsterhood.

"When you're single, you're neither loved nor hated."

Boyfriend Shirt, Boyfriend Jeans. . . Boyfriend.

Sex is for Procreation Only.

My heart belongs to a cat.

Imaginary boyfriends are best.

National Everything Awareness Day

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Do you know what girls want?"

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

Chicken out. . . and proud.

"hmm....I'd like to tick her box."

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

"He's your type--gorgeous, successful, and totally unavailable."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Peg Party.

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

'Those girls must be in a cone of silence. I talked to them and they acted like they couldn't hear me.'

Woman seeks male companion...

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

Man marooned on island sets up bar for 'singles night'.