Singleness Celebration Gifts

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Speed Dating Disasters

Gwendolyn found herself deep in the Lake district,

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

Boyfriend Shirt, Boyfriend Jeans. . . Boyfriend.

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

Closing Laugh Singles Bar

'I live with grand fantasies Harold.'

'Those girls must be in a cone of silence. I talked to them and they acted like they couldn't hear me.'

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

"When you're single, you're neither loved nor hated."

'This year I'm celebrating Valentines Day by myself, I have to economize.'

"When I ask myself out, I always say yesh...."

Sex is for Procreation Only.

He sounds like a hunk, his profile says bulky and athletic