Singleness Celebration Gifts

'Hey baby - where you been all my lives?'

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

"Teri tells me you're ostensibly straight.."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

Gwendolyn found herself deep in the Lake district,

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

Speed Dating Disasters

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

"If at first you don't succeed, buy me another drink."

Table for two. Whom does sir think he's kidding? You're right table for one. Menu.

"Do you know what girls want?"

'You only love me because you haven't got a boyfriend!'

Brenda second-guesses her decision to date a wi-fi hotspot.

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

Eric knew where all the real slappers hang out.

'I'm thinking the bee beard is the main reson that you're still single'

'She won't even look at me. It's like I'm a banner ad.'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

Closing Laugh Singles Bar

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

Boyfriend Shirt, Boyfriend Jeans. . . Boyfriend.

'Those girls must be in a cone of silence. I talked to them and they acted like they couldn't hear me.'

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

'I live with grand fantasies Harold.'

"When you're single, you're neither loved nor hated."

'If you're God's gift to women, I'd rather just have the money.'

'This year I'm celebrating Valentines Day by myself, I have to economize.'

Sex is for Procreation Only.

Imaginary boyfriends are best.