Singlehood Philosopher Gifts

"Actually, this article says being single isn't so bad. Being single is 'crucial to who you are, what you like and what you want.'"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Life is for the birds.

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Still searching for my Prince Charming.

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

"I had half a date last weekend."

'Thoreau had his Walden Pond, C.J. has his water cooler.'

When did this date go down the toilet? I assumed when you went to the men's room that you dropped it there.

'On the contrary, soap operas are a great time-saver -- you don't have to get married and have your OWN problems.'

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"Alright! Fine! ONE man is an island!"

"Honey who needs a man when you've got... Rhythm!"

"Do you know what girls want?"

"Do you think solitude drives you insane?"

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

'Are you seeing anybody?'

I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy. Which part do you miss most? Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what tv shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission? Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors.

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

'We fed your application in, and the computer started leaking slime.'

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

He's Tasty!

'Not only is your mojo not working, it apparently has been unemployed for years.'

"Finally - my dating app just launched a 'Why am I seeing this loser?' feature."

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

In The Spring, A Young Man's Thoughts Turn Fancy