Simplistic Gourmand T-Shirts

'Creme Vichyssoise?' 'I'll have a cheese roll.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"The mint on the pillow was nice, but I'd prefer a chocolate fudge brownie."

Just one more choccy...

The eye of newt - Is it gluten-free?

A London gent abroad

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

'Are you ready for dessert?'

'I don't mind if I spill vegetables, but I hate it when I spill dessert.'

"Jeffrey eats everything, Mom, because no one has told him what he doesn't like."

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

Dijon Vu

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

"Mom, vegetables may help me grow and give me energy, but what if I want to be short and underachieving?"

'I couldn't put the book down... I had peanut butter and jelly on my hands!'

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

"Table number five have just eaten their table decoration!"

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

Capturing a Cook

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

For once, I'd like to order a non-soy-based tofu substitute. No more health food. I have Tofurkey.