Simplistic Cooking T-Shirts

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

LAY ZEE FUK

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

Soup of the month.

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

Baloneystini

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"My compliments to the can opener."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

The Bachelor Chef TV Show. First, remove last night's pizza from the fridge. Then eat cold for breakfast. Shoot! 29 minutes left to kill.

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'I told you I only cook with my mother's Italian spices. She just left Naples and should be here with them in about eight hours.'

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'Trying to eat her dinners is the only exercise I get.'

'...and the property comes with a fully fitted kitchen'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

Spiro & Pusho mincing fish in meat mincer.

"I'm going across the street for a sandwich and coffee. Can I get you something?"

'What kind of...'

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

Cooks

'Hoopla!'

Clandestine Cuisine

"Why are they called freshers when they only eat processed food?"

'I warned you...I can only cook two dishes: beef stroganoff and cheese cake.'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

Quisine: Exciting New Dishes Inspired By Whatever's Left On Your Shelf

'I never understood kitchen tables. Why do you think I gave you a lap?'

'I hope you like it. I call it refrigerator cleanout casserole.'