Simplistic Chef T-Shirts

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

LAY ZEE FUK

Soup of the month.

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

The Velvet Mesquite

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

Little chef.

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

"Gerald converted the barbecue grill to natural gas."

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"I'm making pink lemonade!"

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

"My compliments to the can opener."

Scales

'I'm so glad to hear that your teeth are falling out too, Manfred - I thought it was my mom's cooking!'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

"I cook everything with an alternative energy source, so it may take a while."

'I don't know what we were thinking, baking inside a tree...'

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

"Never mind the cost of living crisis, dear, you still need your 5-a-day."

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'They use paper plates.'

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"You can't ride the Roomba until you finish your vegetables."

'C'mon, honey... I was kidding! I just burned this steak! It has nothing to do with Global Warming!'