Simplistic Chef Pillows

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

LAY ZEE FUK

Soup of the month.

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"OK, duty roster for today: Ken is to scout for entrees, Tim for mains and of course, Tina for desserts..."

The Velvet Mesquite

Little chef.

Barbecue raises a cloud of smoke; birds and squirrel in tree above wear gas masks.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"I'm making pink lemonade!"

"My compliments to the can opener."

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

Scales

'I'm so glad to hear that your teeth are falling out too, Manfred - I thought it was my mom's cooking!'

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

"This? It's my Thanksgiving outfit. It's already pre-stained in cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie."

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

'We're at an Italian restaurant this time, Kevin -- those are breadsticks, not giant-size chopsticks.'

"And the kitchen is ideal for people who like to eat out."

'Nothing like the workplace to inspire creativity.'

"I cook everything with an alternative energy source, so it may take a while."

'I don't know what we were thinking, baking inside a tree...'

'You don't need to worry Jean, he's a very simple cook.'

"If it says to add water, and I'm the one who adds it, I'm cooking."

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'They use paper plates.'

'How much gin will I need for three medium size lemons?'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

'I'm making pot pie.'

'C'mon, honey... I was kidding! I just burned this steak! It has nothing to do with Global Warming!'