Simplifying Lifestyle Gifts

"I've simplified my life by converting all my possessions into one gold brick."

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I can't wait 'til hunting is googling and gathering is calling out for delivery.'

Cat in a flap

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

“Who’s a good boy that doesn’t feel obliged to prove it by holding too many interesting literary and social opinions?”

The Modern Novel.

'Thanks for the book, dad. Now I can reach my computer!'

i-teddy

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

Fur Baby

Trust

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Their wedding registry has 8 place settings of double wall, stainless steel water bottles."

'Apparently it downloads data to your brain.'

"Teenagers! Everyone try to look cool!"

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

"Why would I want to see anything that far away from my phone?"

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"....Reception on my tablet is so much better since I added wifi to my mule..."