Simcity Strategist Gifts

To: Rudy Park. From: Lemont Brown. What're you up to these days, Brother Park? That depends. If we're talking the SimCity game I began back when we were in college in '93 … I'm up to 14 linked quad-core RAID devices that take up the whole basement. That's not what I meant. It's costing me a fortune, but I've been playing the same game for so long that I'm pretty sure my 59 billion Sims have become sentient and worship me as a deity. I meant how do you spend your time these days? Working. I've go

"No, SimCity doesn't count as managerial experience."

'Charlotte's Website' ('The children's book classic rewritten for the electronic era!')

'He's working on the great American requirements document.'

'Computer editing software with an obnoxious ego.' 'Look, you really don't want to say that, do you?'

"It seems our new computer system is allowing us to implement idiotic ideas ten times faster than we've previously been able to!"

'We'd like one pizza cut into eleven pieces.'

"Did you order takeout?"

Builder follows an architect's blueprints exactly, including the smudges.

'Sales are down. We tried to make the latest version, of our best selling software, foolproof. Apparently, someone was making better fools.'

'Right, you peck his left paw, I'll go for the right one.'

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"I know I'm huffing and puffing, but I don't have a temperature. You're safe. Now, let me in."

"Good thing I listened to you and implemented the new strategy."

'You know it's time to bath the dog when he starts to smell like a gym bag!'

How corporate data wizards decide it's time to re-vamp everything...

"Face it, Larry. We're small fish and des Moines isn't that big a pond."

Outer Cuteness vs. Inner Cuteness

"You're going to love this app...Find My Bone."

"The building code says we can use structural steel and poured concrete, and we can go 40 stories high - it doesn't say we have to!"

"How many of these 'email blasts' are we talking about, General."

"Ok, if we could just synchronise chairs..."

"...then sell all my pork bellies, and buy steel."

Oz in a Congestion Charge zone.

'Some of these 'free' apps end up costing loads through hidden in-app purchases!'

"If marriage is so great how come you never hear about simulated marriage?"

'The new automated system was a bit of a disaster!'

;What kind of deodorant are you?'

'Hello Ms. Russel, I'm going to be late in. I'm being held up at Euston.'

Don couldn't figure it. His aftershave had worked great for that guy on tv

"Before negotiations begin, we'll soften them up with 15 minutes of cute cat videos."

Clamped car in traffic

Quantity over quality

'You know there may be something in this idea of promoting the firm in shops!'

Smell No Evil