Silly Joker Gifts

Pee Fight.

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'I could eat you.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Santa's Helpers

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Eucharist

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

'The pro told me my score of 392 is a course record!'

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'

'This milk smells funny.'