Silly Joker Gifts

Pee Fight.

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

Well... Tis the season to be jolly!

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

"I know my drinking limits.The problem is that I can never reach them - I simply fall down."

'I could eat you.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Santa's Helpers

Robber on treadmill

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

I clawed my way to the top and all they gave me at the end was a manicure.

"The spare sack? After a million warm beers and pieces of fruit cake...you'd have a spare sack too!"

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."

Eucharist

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'This is the third time you've gone to the bathroom tonight. Are you seeing another woman in there?'

"His legs yurn to jello when he wears Relaxed Fit jeans."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'At least you still think I'm great, don't you, boy?'

'The pro told me my score of 392 is a course record!'

'This milk smells funny.'

'First time I've seen the club go farther than the ball.'