Silly Diner Stories T-Shirts

'We don't have pressed duck, but we could shove around a chicken for you.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Beef stew 50c. (In a bowl - $1.75)

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

I recommend the ketchup.

Bob ordered the breakfast special of bacon with two eggs served any way he wanted.

'I'll have what he's having.'

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

'If it has a 'G' next to it, it'll give you a little gas; a 'B' will cause some belching; 'N' may create a bit of nausea...'

"This is cold. I specifically ordered the Warm and Fuzzy."

Customer admires courtyard of bagel shaped restaurant.

"Combination No. 5--no MSG."

'Are you sure you are not allergic to seafood.'

Today's Special: Escargot Appetizer

Today's special: Roadkill stew.

'Waiter there's a mouse in my soup.'

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

"It says. . . 'That wasn't chicken.'"

'You want a pizza with everything -- Do you comprehend the philosophical implications of that'

'Sorry, smile's off...'

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

Eat at Joe's Topless Diner.

'Sunnyside down.'

'No termites, no grubs, no leaves... What kind of crazy restaurant is this?'

Fish Waiter at the Fish 'n Chips Restaurant.

"Oh, yes, sir, the zebra is fresh."

'I don't know Arthur, I've heard the service is terrible here.'

'I'm sorry, but you can't take the leftovers home. They're all newly-patented items, and cannot leave the premises.'

'Separate cheques?'

"I'm sorry, have you been grimacing long?"

'Well if you're going to play footsie with Roy Keane, what do you expect?'