Silent Treatment Survivor Gifts

'Is it something I SAID?'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"I scream! You scream! I can't stop the screaming!"

What price beauty?

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'These pajamas come with a flak jacket sewn into the lining to protect against the 'Stop Snoring' elbow in the ribs.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

'My therapist cured me of using humour as a defence, these days I pack a .45.'

Jimi Hendrix

A therapist laughing behind the back of his patient who is an upset looking clown.

"The originator of the office birthday party."

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

"No, it's not a Rorscach test, it's a really nasty damp patch."

Dadonomics

Let's talk about the weather.

Why are you here?

"Sorry, I didn't realize you had a late session. Mind if I mop while you mope?"

Life in Lockdown: Working from Home (The Video Zoom Call)

'Talk about quiet, I didn't even hear them move in last night.'

"Yes, you were snoring again."

'I said he could sleep with me... well... he's asleep.'

"Our marriage will last a whole lot longer if you move and breathe minimally."

Learning to deal with road rage is really hard when the stupid therapist keeps cutting you off.

The Land of the Uncomfortable Pause

"I don't even have a relationship with a bank."

'Now she's frightened of your snoring...'

"That will be all, Mallison. I must say I like the way you kept your mouth shut throughout our little talk."

'You've stayed on hold for 20 minutes? Oh, dear! You'd better make an appointment with Dr. Willems to work on your self-esteem.'

"Oh, the pain I can take—it's the awkward silence between conversations that's torture."

Chat host's irritation at 'Hello, how are you?' greeting.

'How can a person meditate with that racket going on?'

"Passengers, as we begin our descent you may now suddenly act open and friendly to the person beside you."

D*mn it.

"Hi I'm Trevor, I'm new here!"

What do you do...I don't know why I'm asking, I don't give a toss...