Silent Treatment Aficionado Gifts

I can't tell you why I'm not talking to you, because I'm not talking to you.

Club Antisocial

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Buster Keaton

'They're alright if you like Charlie Chaplin inflight movies.'

Man on psychiatrist's couch: 'It was a cry for help, really - I tried to slash my wrists with rollerblades.'

"Hello Mum .. The Doc wants to know if I have difficulty making decisions. What do you think?"

"Cat got your tongue?"

"I feel like we're finally making progress."

"Have you ever heard anyone yell 'EEEK! A psychiatrist!'?"

"Our open office floor plan runs much smoother that no one communicates."

In a twist on "It's A Wonderful Life," sometimes I wonder what the world would have been like if I HAD existed.

'I can't even watch football on TV. When they go into a huddle I'm sure they're talking about me.'

Charlie Chaplin

Along with being the first passengers on the space elevator, Fenwick and Charles set a new world record for longest awkward elevator silence.

'If that doesn't work, nothing will.'

"All he wants to do is chase me around the house!"

"e-Harley Hybrids"

"It's 3D 4K HD - ideal for my old silent movie collection."

"Hi! Are you enjoying the peace and quiet?!"

Pray it Don't Spry it.

'Say when.'

Louise Brooks caricature

Buster Keaton

"With the benefit of hindsight, do you feel it was wise to dedicate your first children's book to Hitler?"

"But otherwise I'll bet they lead very dull lives."

The John Cage Carollers

'You have to get out more and meet new people you can find fault with.'

Gloria Swanson caricature

'To think what I loved about you was your old-fashionedness.'

'Is it something I SAID?'

'He's the strong silent type.'

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

No, I don't think a squeaky toy breaks your vow of silence.

"Lieutenant! I said get me a chaplain!"