Siege Storyteller Gifts

Sand Castle Siege

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

Lady of the bath...

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

"I guess I was a good shot, because I took down 50 Nazis...all by myself. That's how I got my silver star. Honestly, I don't consider myself a hero. I consider myself lucky."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

'Hey, wait a minute...Apples aren't indigenous to this geopraphical region.'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

"Hurry up with that dictionary!"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

The Paper Route

When cockroaches go unchecked.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"First order of business...no more memos beginning 'Once Upon a Time.'"

"Time to administer scout leader first aid protocol..."

"Less roman, more clef."

Three Witches from Macbeth

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'Beautiful book. However, I'm afraid it lacks video game potential.'

Sylvia Plath

' Sheesh! I think people are getting tired of hearing those fables of Aesop's

"Pecos Bildungsroman"

Punch and Judy Sales Conference

'The Merry Men are NOT groupies!'

Little Known Historical Fact: After regaining consciousness at the last minute, Davey Crockett's coonskin cap went on to become the Alamo's only survivor.

Shakespeare begins a play about a ship's captain and a white whale... and realizes he's never even been on a boat.

"And, after they see you do this, the 'promised land' can be whatever you say it is."

Tragedy and Material

"That's the Press Corps Hospitality Tent. We had better get tooled up and make a start."