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Kissing Booth

'Well, you got the dog to protect you against criminals. Perhaps now you'll have to hire a criminal to protect you from the dog.'

Succession 2

"Happy Birthday!"

Can't Touch This

"And afterwards, I'll be signing my new DVD of this presentation in the lobby."

Franz Kafka does stand-up...

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

Clown Shaving

'This has a great ending...he shoots her.'

'When I was your age, 'classic episodes' were called repeats.'

"We've just crossed the line between binge viewing and OCD viewing."

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"And now your General Knowledge Round...Where does clean laundry come from?"

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the antiques roadshow.

It's on. My new favorite game show! Welcome to: Garbage, recycling or compost?! Dana from New York you can walk away with $10,000 or try to double the green! Double, please. Okay, Dana, here's your object: A takeout container from a local restaurant. Garbage, recycling or compost? Geez. I'm guessing it would depend on whether it's got some cardboard or it's fully biodegradable. Final answer? Recycling. Wrong. Garbage! I knew it. Ridicule her! You've lost your green, loser! I'm sorry. I try so ha

And that's why I'm still single!

"Two minutes, 40 seconds. Next ... Two minutes, 53 seconds. Next ..."

'Forgettable' - The Hit Musical

Patron Saint of Clowns...St. Pie-us

"When I can't sleep I count Powerpoint slides."

Stick with me, Mr. Fusco

Billy Box lived here...Oh, no he didn't...Oh, yes he did.

The Great Banzinni discovers the oldest trick in the book.

'Can you assure my son that you only use vegetarian sausages?'

The Lobster Man - The Sand-Eating Child - The Alligator Lady - The Living Head

Too late they realized they'd awarded 1st place to a mop.

"Of course, He buzzes in first every turn. We have to follow Him!"

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

"Thank you! And now for my finale, I shall produce a magician from the hat."

'I can't believe they made a sequel.'

"Once again, the score is tied."

We interrupt this breaking news to bring you breaking news! About half an hour ago, we interrupted "The Price Is Right" to bring you breaking news. An elderly "Price Is Right" fan emerged out of nowhere and began pummeling our news van with rotten eggs. Our newscopter is bringing us video of the lady chasing our van. What is that she's driving, Chuck? I believe that's a Rascal Scooter, Ted.

McTV, 'It's all singing commercials.'

Larry Grayson.