Sideline Strategist Gifts

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

'Coach, are you done with the parents yet?'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

Bud's Coaching Staff Removal Service.

'And with that basket, it looks like ... Wait. Let me check. ... Yes! The momentum once again has shifted.'

Roy Hodgson

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'He's the touch judge,,,,so I touched him!'

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'I just love this new rule allowing you tie up obnoxious coaches.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'...Charles is a better kiss-up, so he will be starting in the position right next to me on the bench.'

"My husband is a football fan."

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'Remember, we're in red and yellow - all the rest are bad guys...'

Punishment for the kicker.

'I'm wearing an electronic ankle device. If I take even one step across the line of scrimmage before the ball is snapped, they throw me in the slammer.'

'Coach and I agree that it's time to move in a new direction, and he's graciously offered to step down for the good of the team.'

Benchwarmer coach.

Big Sam

"Hands are much more capable of efficiently directing a ball into a net!"

"I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year."

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"He should've passed."

Head Coach Interviews

"I AM at my usual position."

"I play 'backside'. My backside is always on the bench."

Jon Gruden

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

Locker Room. Ernie, on the radio they said your poor play caused eight sacks! What did the coaches think? I guess they were unhappy -- They were the ones the team owners sacked.

'These should help me compensate for my lack of speed.'

Luis Enrique

Footballers - Kevin Keagan

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'