Sideline Strategist Pillows

'Look up... Look down... Look at my thumb. Gee, You're...'

'Coach, are you done with the parents yet?'

Bud's Coaching Staff Removal Service.

'And with that basket, it looks like ... Wait. Let me check. ... Yes! The momentum once again has shifted.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'He's the touch judge,,,,so I touched him!'

"Quick, Bartlett! Instill them with hope!"

'I just love this new rule allowing you tie up obnoxious coaches.'

'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'Fire the coach'...'

'...Charles is a better kiss-up, so he will be starting in the position right next to me on the bench.'

"My husband is a football fan."

'What makes you think we want to sell you son.'

'Remember, we're in red and yellow - all the rest are bad guys...'

Punishment for the kicker.

'I'm wearing an electronic ankle device. If I take even one step across the line of scrimmage before the ball is snapped, they throw me in the slammer.'

Benchwarmer coach.

"Hands are much more capable of efficiently directing a ball into a net!"

"I can't let him back in to play. He couldn't tell me what he's making this year."

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"He should've passed."

Head Coach Interviews

"I AM at my usual position."

"I play 'backside'. My backside is always on the bench."

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

'These should help me compensate for my lack of speed.'

'No exceptions, Caldwell! If you want to make this team, you've got to make it past my mother-in-law!'

'When he plays, our opponents hear footsteps.'

'Never say never.'

'Go out and win one to maintain your current lifestyles.'

Midway through the first quarter, Randall, the backup quarterback, fumbles the clipboard and is later dropped to third string on the depth chart.

Armchair quarterback: 'HUT TWO!'

"Berkle worked hard for his spot on this team. But you need to be ready..."

'I'm proud of the lads. They show'd a lot of character coming back from one down. . . then two or three silly goals. . . At this level you get punished. But overall I thought we were a bit unlucky. . .'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'