Side Effects Skeptic Gifts

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

Suggestion box.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

Dr. Nutrition, would you say our tuna sandwiches could prevent hair loss? Dr. Nutrition. Given how furry you are, I'll take that as a yes. I will tell our customers the great news. I really appreciate your input, Dr. Nutrition. You are a valued scientific authority. The key to a successful scam is maintaining the pretense at all times.

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

The first meeting.

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

I'll have a gentle flower chamomile tea. That's a good choice, Uncle Mort. Of course you'd say that!!! You're in the pocket of the chamomile industry! You feed at the chamomile trough!!! Here. Delicious. Thanks. I'm glad you're finally taking the doc's advice and laying off the caffeine. That's what you think! I just swallowed seven caffeine tablets with it!!!! Forget the doctors! Big chamomile is in cahoots with big medical insurzzzzzzzz. Addiction is an ugly thing.

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

"I think the dosage needs adjusting. I'm not nearly as happy as the people in the ads."

They all have to get down the slide in 2.7 seconds or we lose our funding. In schools soon: The recess aptitude test.

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"These diet pills must work. My purse is getting thinner and thinner."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'