Side Effects Skeptic Gifts

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

"I forget. If I have an adverse reaction, do I call my doctor or my lawyer?"

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Suggestion box.

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Mrs. Tomkins says her prescription has no side effects, so it can't be doing her any good.'

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"These have severe side effects but they may not have enough time to bother you."

Boss: 'Speak up Smythe, I know you've got an opinion, I told you what it was in my email this morning!'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

The first meeting.

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

"I think the dosage needs adjusting. I'm not nearly as happy as the people in the ads."

"Yes, everything—I need a list of all the medications you're on."

'Seems like we're all too old, unfit, overweight. . .'

Standup Pharmacist

'And just what studies show that losing weight causes global warming?'

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'