Shower Skipper Gifts

Hot Water

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"Honestly, sweetheart, they haven't brought out a little Ellen MacArthur set. As soon as they do daddy will get you one."

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'That's my dad. He does his best work in the bathroom.'

My Musical Influences

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

New York Sightseeing Cruises

'He always trains until the very last minute.'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'What type of line are you using?'

"I'm putting you on a skipping diet. . .Skip cakes and wine."

Young against old

Beach Bouncer

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"Lawyers and rats fleeing the ship; that can't be good."

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'

The Empire State Building's design was modified slightly after the 1933 'incident'!

In the supermarket

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

Like so many other unsigned artists. . .Ron's passion was to sing in the nude!