Tiny Skipper Gifts

"Honestly, sweetheart, they haven't brought out a little Ellen MacArthur set. As soon as they do daddy will get you one."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

Rock - see you in a million years!

A private jet takes off

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

Movie Awards. That movie always comes alone and never stays for the after-party. It's an independent film.

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

"Ya know, no mask or hand sanitizer can spare you from spring fever."

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

'He always trains until the very last minute.'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'What type of line are you using?'

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

'I'm on a great new diet -- I sleep through breakfast.'