Stone Skipper Gifts

Rock - see you in a million years!

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

A private jet takes off

'Isn't he supposed to sit on your shoulder Captain?'

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

Captain looks out of a porthole and notices that the ship is sinking.

"Honestly, sweetheart, they haven't brought out a little Ellen MacArthur set. As soon as they do daddy will get you one."

A spa bath at Mapledurham.

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

Shut Yer Yapper and be Happy, Loser! There's a ton of so-called simple self-help books. The five most important questions: 7 habits of highly effective people: 7 steps to living at your fullest potential. Too many steps! She's going to be filthy rich.

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

New York Sightseeing Cruises

'He always trains until the very last minute.'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

'What type of line are you using?'

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"Lawyers and rats fleeing the ship; that can't be good."

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"I used to have tattoos. They're a lot easier to get than to have removed."

"This is Plan A. I recommend we skip it and get right on to Plan B."

'I have no idea who he is, I like to keep myself to myself.'

"The food was awful, but we got right in."