Showbiz Snarker Gifts

'When my business turned into a lemon, I made lemonade....but that also failed when nobody liked its taste'

"He'd make a wonderful main character for a short story, but I wouldn't put up with him for an entire novel."

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

"Well, you can't say they didn't warn us."

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"I own 60% of your image rights. Which means you have to pay me ten quid every time you look in the mirror."

Theatrical agent, "Quite honestly Frank I think you've turned into a poor caricature of yourself"

'One cliff is as good as another.'

'Are you genetically modified? - Then you'll love our G.M. food.'

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

"Only 200 steps? But I've been chasing a buck all day long!"

"Know what I miss? Just sitting around with my old friends, and barking."

"Looks like we won't be needing you this year...we got our own gifts!"

"How to Look, Feel & Sound like Shit"

"One of those 'damn' foreigners will be along soon to carry out your prostate examination!"

"My compliments to your chefs - their broth was disgusting."

'Well I think we've nearly broken the back of this 'risk assessment'.'

'Maybe I give off a little ammonia, but at least I don't smell like people!'

"Take my advice, drop the name Rolf Savile."

'He must be the next-of-Tin.'

"I just don't have it in me today..." "Well, aren't you the lucky one."

"I really prefer the place across the street. The cockroaches are smaller."

'These childproof vials! I CAN'T GET MY TRANQUILIZERS OPEN!!'