Show Business Professional Gifts

'... You jump through hoops, and balance a ball on your nose, and all they pay you is one fish?... Boy, do you have a lousy agent!'

"It is our opinion that the practice of having actors speak in fake French, Italian and German accents should be ended at once."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"No, you don't get paid less because you're a woman. It's because you're only a D list celebrity."

"Scared of spiders! Is that it?"

Ex Magician: Half a Wife and Three Kids to Support.

"Oh, that was in the old days, now, we are an equal opportunity employer and you don't need to be white to work with our magicians..."

Stage producer.

'I opted for fame instead of riches and ended up with indifference.'

Two women blowing air kisses.

"Great news, babe. I'm on the fall schedule."

When magic tricks go wrong.

Global Warming: The Musical.

Academy of Daredevils

'Gee, I didn't know there was a casting couch just to sell POPCORN in the theater...'

Big and Brassy.

The Great Banzinni discovers the oldest trick in the book.

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

"The parrot last week told the same joke."

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'