Show Business Professional Prints

'... You jump through hoops, and balance a ball on your nose, and all they pay you is one fish?... Boy, do you have a lousy agent!'

"It is our opinion that the practice of having actors speak in fake French, Italian and German accents should be ended at once."

'To be honest Mr Gregson, I've seen better escapologists, goodnight.'

"Sorry, you're not cut out to be a mime artist."

"No, you don't get paid less because you're a woman. It's because you're only a D list celebrity."

"Scared of spiders! Is that it?"

Ex Magician: Half a Wife and Three Kids to Support.

"Oh, that was in the old days, now, we are an equal opportunity employer and you don't need to be white to work with our magicians..."

"Can I be frank with you?"

Morena Baccarin

Stage producer.

'I opted for fame instead of riches and ended up with indifference.'

Lena Heady

Two women blowing air kisses.

"Great news, babe. I'm on the fall schedule."

When magic tricks go wrong.

Global Warming: The Musical.

Academy of Daredevils

'Gee, I didn't know there was a casting couch just to sell POPCORN in the theater...'

Big and Brassy.

The Great Banzinni discovers the oldest trick in the book.

'I like your style, kid. How'd you like to hold cue cards in hollywood?'

"I'm not conceited although, heaven knows, I have every right to be..."

"The parrot last week told the same joke."

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

UK/US Free Trade Deal

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."