Show Addict Pillows

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

Showbiz Awards

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Big screen TV falling through floor

'The anger management is working... tonight there were fewer veins popping.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

"The end of my favorite series is near."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'Hello Mr Preston? This is an ALIEN speaking. We have landed in your paddock. We have mutilated your cows. We have made loud crashing noises...what the hell is on your TV that's so special?'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

It's only a remote, dear...if you want better programs you will need a wand.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Lady throws dart to decide which soap opera she's going to watch.

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

Triceratops watching television with satellite dish made from own horns.

'Dear, you're not supposed to take it seriously...it's a reality show!'

The cradle of mankind

'Anything good on?' TV replies 'No.'

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"