Short Selling Strategist Gifts

National Academy of Short Selling.

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

'How about a game of cards?'

"Okay, money doesn't make you happy. So how about commodity futures?"

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

Economic Outlook Conference - 'Remember the seating is optimist, pessimist, optimist,...'

Day trading.

'The bad news is it's all our client's money.'

World Economic Crisis.

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"I'm not telling you to stay. I'm talking to the stock market."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'For Harland, the only game in town is the bulls versus the bears...'

"We're counting on you to reverse this trend before this afternoon's investors meeting."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

"He'll do anything to say in power."

Shareholders Meeting: 'Mr Kenny will now take friendly fire from the audience.'

"I will now fend off questions from the audience."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

'This financial report is frightening. Who wrote it, Stephen King?"

"What's wrong, boy? Has Google's stock gone down?!"

'Dad 'If Jack brought 10,000 shares at $3 and he sold 75% of them to Larry for $8 before the value went down to $2, what did Jack end up with?''

'Superstock'

What happens when the bears are running the market.

'I'll be in late, Ms.Fernwood. Did I get any important margin calls, default, stock splits, foreclosures or bailouts?'

'According to our fact finding committee, our stock won't be worth a dime this quarter.'

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

"On Wall Street today, news of lower interest rates sent the stock market up, but then the expectation that these rates would be inflationary sent the market down, until the realization that lower rates might stimulate the sluggish economy pushed the mark