Strategic Seller Gifts

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"Does he respond better to a confident approach or a groveling approach?"

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"Great! We're still going up! Chop a hole in the ceiling!"

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"Jill Hamster's entrepreneurial disaster"

Sales.

'We have to go global since nobody around here will buy our product.'

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

Brick Salesman

Sales Chart: Boomerangs LTD

"Post holiday sales look similar to the crater that killed the dinosaurs."

Gerald Ratner's return

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'Alternatively you can just focus on the CUSTOMER!'

'One thing is certain. It's not just a seasonal slump.'

Competitior Sales - "Now I come to the feel good factor"

'Hank here brings 10 years of top sales experience to our company so let's all try to make him feel welcome while he makes you all look bad...'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"At bonus time, just don't forget where you get your intellectual property."

Entertainment systems

Floss Street Vendor

'If you don't pay us, I'll tell all your creditors you have.'

'Rabner is tops in customer retention.'

"Okay, let me come at this question a different way: Does anybody here actually know how to sell anything?"

Sinking sales

Phone solicitors like customers who are afraid to hang up.

'Our sales have been uneven but our company has heart.'

"I suppose that's what happens when 'putting customers first' comes second!"

'I think I know what the problem is!'

Sales - We could try a 'free offer' but it would cost us.

"Give a man a fish, you cut your throat. Teach a man to fish, you're a damn fool."