Shopping Survivor Pillows

Eight Attempts at remembering PIN or less.

'May day! May day! We have a disgruntled husband at the information desk!'

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

"I hate Christmas shopping."

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

"Wish me luck, I'm off to the shops to join the socially distanced queues..."

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

Changing Room Decisions

Smart card.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

You know retail is in a bad way when...

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

Shopping Torture

"Tenth circle. Ladies' shoes."

Man is attacked by barcodes.

Till malfunction

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

'And I got this scar when I got in a crush of plump women rushing to buy Leviathongs at the mall sale...'

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

"Just groceries? Oh I see..."

Ladies Lingerie.

Eulogy: I shopped Til I Dropped