Shopper Of The Absurd T-Shirts

This one is broken...I've been stuck here for hours.

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

They get into debt so fast these days...

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Don't tell my wife. Dragon head.

Salvador Dali's cats.

Seven deadly sins shopping plaza

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Baseball.

Operation.

'When he drinks too much he starts eating bollocks.'

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

"How much is the sign?"

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

Trapeze artists commuting

'How do I know if it's seaworthy?'

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

The Bonvoy Age...

A sign outside the "Museum of Modern Gift Items" reads "T-shirts of the Masters Sale".

''Tough crowd in tonight!''

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

"Frankly I'm a bit confused. According to the genetic printout this gentleman is, in fact, a goat

A headless man puts up a poster for his lost head.

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."