The Admirer Of The Absurd T-Shirts

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"He was a sea rescue."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

Optimist

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now you can send it."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Who's next?"

One way only.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Robber on treadmill

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Salvador Dali's cats.

Baseball.

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Operation.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.