The Admirer Of The Absurd T-Shirts

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"He was a sea rescue."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Optimist

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Now you can send it."

Zoo: No Hunting.

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

"Who's next?"

One way only.

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"It's my helper trout!"

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

Baseball.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

Operation.

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

UFO and snowman

'You need some stress.'

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.