Shopaholic Husband's Fan Gifts

It would be hours before Jack realized that his wife was not being kinky but had, in fact, gone shopping.

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

"I can't decide. I'm having a brand identity crisis."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'French hypermarket' ' 5 English or less' till

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

'The service is so much better when you dress as royalty.'

Moses parting the waves and trolleys appear on the sea bed!

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

'Can we get the corn that's already been chewed?!'

"Hey, I just got a burst of consumer confidence- let's go buy something."

He only had enough money for one, and for the life of him he couldn't remember the difference,

"We can now shop for, purchase and crash our new car online."

'Cool, a wheel. Now you can take me shopping.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: After a Fashion

Hole Sale

'That's not the northern lights! It's new strip mall!'

"I've had a very trying day. I've tried on dresses, shoes..."

"There's another one! Pull over!"

The only place it's okay to pick your nose.

I brake for all 50 off Sales.

"Oh, I don't forage for acorns anymore....I just order them online!"

'You wouldn't stimulate the economy, so I did!'

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

Shop signs.

'Let's shop faster. I need the exercise.'

"Your order is confirmed and your credit card has been charged. You have purchased one small liberal-arts college in New England. Thank you for your order."

'You've been on eBay again haven't you?'

'Before you say anything, I've saved more than you earn in a month!'

"I put all this stuff on your credit card, Bob, but don't worry! I had a tarot card reading by Minerva and she said this is my lucky Bingo card!"

'We're conducting a shopper-flow study for the new giant Oakdale mall.'

Eulogy: I shopped Til I Dropped

'Money can't buy everything... that's what credit cards are for!'

What's this about? The recession is devastating chain stores. Save our mall. They're the lifeblood of teen culture as we know it. What are your solutions? We're having a massive shop-in this Saturday! Shop 'til you drop. Big $$. Like a day of service? Exactly! But you'll feel even better about yourself.

"I'm still trying to get used to ordering food online."