Shop Owners Gifts

Crazy Ed's Warehouse - body in freezer - "Nobody beats our prices and gets away with it."

Abuse or harassment of staff will not be tolerated

'Given the downward slope of our demand curve...order more jelly beans.'

'And then they went shopping.'

'I don't understand it - I thought we had a more upmarket demographic!'

"May I see some ID, Madame? Haha, just kidding!"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'That's our mission statement.'

Copycats

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

A fight in the Boardroom.

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Cut Price

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

6 Brothers Falafel

"Freudian, Jungian, Adlerian – none of it compares to retail therapy."

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We need to change our luck. Let's move our headquarters to Redmond, the home of Microsoft.'

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'Great news this quarter! Losses are up in smoke, profits are high, and we're seeing lots of green!'

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'I'm only seven years old -- I don't HAVE a credit rating yet!'