Shofar Show Stopper Gifts

Rosh Hashanah used to be a confusing time for the hearing impaired.

Tarzan of the Grapes.

Woman crying with happiness.

Rap-scallions

A woman playing the flute

A-Hem! I'm still singing here!

Don't put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

A cat rejects a dog performer's act.

'You said to come back once I got my act together.'

'Mind if I wear it to the door? I want to test audience reaction.'

I didn't dress this way to go unnoticed

"Tonight's performance has been canceled, because the star of our show has decided that musicals are stupid."

'So let this be a lesson to you Courtney, 'there's no people like showpeople!''

'You wouldn't listen to me. You have to buy the biggest tree in the lot!'

'I wish somebody would say something.'

Harvey Smith.

Mic Drop

"If anyone wants me I'll be on the shop floor strutting my stuff."

Sir, bad news. I don't like getting bad news. A new radio program called Ask Sadie is getting huge ratings. Do I own it? That's the bad news. I see. Time to buy Ask Sadie. Queue sinister music. Can you guess?

'I SAID-what's wrong with a RATTLE like the rest of us?'

Mic drop

"I'm getting really tired of this cancel culture."

King of the Swingers.

"That's just sick."

'You gotta be kidding me!'

Superstar photographs himself making the catch.

'That's not the sort of request I meant, Madam, and anyway it's physically impossible!'

Shelly and Marv took Most Hirsute Husband for the third year running with their sensational 'scrub the floor' routine.

A dance line of women is lined up as a firing squad to kill me with their shoes.

'Hurry it up, will you? We're on in five minutes!'

"Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl..."

'I wouldn't read that book, dear...it's only there to impress visitors.'

"They still had so much TV ahead of them."

The kids watch too many stupid shows. I agree. So let's pull the plug! Which one?