Shoe Shopping Survivor Gifts

'He's completely exhausted. Next time you're shopping for shoes, leave your husband at home.'

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

"Do you do much walking?"

Smart card.

"Buying me a new pair of shoes would go a long way toward making this world a less dangerous place."

On the catwalk it looked elegant and sexy! What happened?

'... And for $50 more, this is the same basketball shoe in a turbo model.'

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

'A mind is a terrible thing to make up.'

"Nothing is ever in my size either."

'What do you mean I have to buy both of them?! What kind of a business are you running?'

"I just adore these shoes! The clicking of staccato heels is so empowering. . . Do these come in a flat?"

Shopping Torture

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

"We've got an emergency out here, Doctor - a compulsive shopper with buyer's remorse!"

"They are so cute, and anything has to be more comfortable than these. Where did you get them?"

Man is attacked by barcodes.

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

"Do they make my feet look big?"

The back-to-school shopping season claims its first victim.

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

"No open toes. I have a puppy."

'Honestly darlings I don't know how you can spend so long looking at shoes.'

'We also have gravity boots in faux cow hide.'

"Ahhh, you're in luck! You got our last 150 pairs in stock."

"I think the sign says World's Greatest Chew Treat Store Ever!"

"Time to reboot our winter wardrobe?"

"Do you have this in a big-and-floppy?"

"There's no business like shoe business."

"You got hiking boot in 58?"

All my owner says is "Heel, heel, heel" --- And then he wonders why I keep chewing on his shoe!

Shoe Outlet

'They didn't fit when you got them home? Maybe your contents settled during shipping?'