Shirt Selector Pillows

"It boils down to which I dislike more: ironing shirts or non-iron shirts."

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

'No, no, no, Tompkins! We decided to make today Causal Friday, not Casual Friday!'

Woman's T-Shirt says 'Baby', Man's says '35 Lbs. Ugly Fat'.

"I've downsized."

Cat scares away fish design on man's shirt.

"What's the difference between the butterscotch champagne mist and the tawny sunset beige? Probably something buried deep in your psyche."

I heart bypass t-shirt.

'You've haed the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

'You can't vote him off, dear - he's the newsreader'

Spaghetto

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

'Can I choose which brick you name after me?'

Washing Instructions: Have Your Mom Do It.

Campaign for real beer bellies.

'and for my 12,307 choice I'd have the live extended version of...'

"What you've been coughing up - is it more of a 'Misty Green' or an 'Heirloom Sage'?"

I Can Smell BeerI can Smell Fear.

'I went to the Shirt Fanciers Convention and all I got was this shirt!'

The lame stuff you listen to (yes, you)

"Three generations of football"

Pregnant lady's shirt says 'Baby' with arrow pointing to tummy, Husband's shirt says 'Blubber' with arrow pointing to tummy

'I see you've gone digital.'

Desert Island Downloads

I'm with crazy.

Convention: 'I'm With Stupid!'

Social media is where it's @.

Not a huge fan of my wife's new boyfriend.

'Okay, how about THAT shade of mud?'

"I don't think that is an appropriate shirt for a cardiologist!"

"Good grief Betty, that's just the sort of pace the Test Selectors are looking for."

Beggar on street 'Ex-England opener bugged about by the selectors, please help'

Don't Even Think It

"Why don't you go for a walk through the woods, dear?... In the nice, new t shirt I bought you."